I do not need a Superman

If Joe Brooks sat in front of me with his guitar and started strumming along Superman, I’d tell him that I do not need a superhero to make me feel special. People in costumes who parade themselves as cape crusaders are so overrated. Even my dad is no superhero, but at his best, he made me feel like I am the most important person in his life. I guess that is more encouraging for me to press on and finish the race.

So this is me right now, being all hopeless romantic. I want to fall helplessly in love. I want simple songs to be dedicated to me and I do not mind if the guy will be Simon Cowell’s best victim of mortification. The guy croons his best rendition of a ballad for me! what can be sweeter than that? I just have a soft heart for guys who sing – pro, amateur or out of tune at that!

I want to read random post-it notes, hanging on for dear life on the wind shield of my car with the words, “I love you so much, I’d drive you anywhere, even to the moon and back, just to be with you!” silly sweet things like that.  There is no limit to cheesiness! no age requirement to being head over heals in love and romantic! My heart bursts.

I’d die momentarily for a guy who would do anything just to touch the palm of my hands because it’s the only power that will send him soaring to new heights. Of course I know that’d be so cliche and impossible, but it does not hurt to hear it from someone. He’d steal glimpses of my smile just because my fleeting grin will make him beam with happiness all day.

OR this will even do for me – “I got you ice cream! I was thinking of buying you chocolates but I figured that you are so weight-conscious so I did not want to tempt you. I went for the lesser evil of your favorites! I know it’s nothing but I hope this simple gesture will somehow make you feel that you are not alone. I am here.”

My heart bursts even more.

As Emma Stone says in Easy A,

Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80’s movies? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80’s movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life.

WHY? why?

That is what I need at the moment. Just for a moment. OR A LIFETIME will do as well.

It need not be extravagant! I just need something out of the usual routine. Guys become so complacent once they get the girl! Damn it.

 

 

 

Sweets on a cruel day

It was as random as 1,2,3

Someone was feeling dismal one afternoon and decided to flood twitter with lugubrious thoughts of love and deception.  Being as random as A, B, C, I decided to invite her to our house to get her mind off things.

Kaye and I baked, wined and dined in the middle of a drencher. The weather did not dare cooperate with Kaye’s depression. But at least the food did. Or so I hope.

Red Velvet Sandwiches | Batter being mixed at medium speed | Kaye pouring flour mixture into the finale | Pesto pasta I made for her to take home as a snack. She always wanted me to prepare ‘baon’ (Filipino version of snacks to go) for her, and so I had the opportunity to do so. 

Kaye wanted a bit of a fizz at midday, but I did not have any strong liquor in store for her in our cabinet, I tried to suffice the craving with white wine. It was actually good, I loved it. It was a beginner’s wine as I would call it, it’s not too dry in the mouth and it’s sweetness is a natural quencher.

Lifestyles of the Young and In Love

HAHA. I did this last September 8, 2012.

 

At midday while I was organizing bits and pieces of furniture in our house, I had the sudden urge to daydream about future homes. Growing up, I never really had the chance to suggest to my family ideas on how I want our spaces to be decorated. The only room I had the opportunity to explode my creative juices to was my room, but even then my conservative parents had rules on how my stuff were to be arranged. Still, no complete freedom there.

I went from one site to the other, drooling on every interior I could find. I browsed from white washed apartments to retro-themed flats. I wanted to build a house of my own and throw every crazy concept I had on the furnishings.

I had a batty brainstorming frenzy while I was going through the layouts. I complemented the designs with the styles of my friends. We have four existing couples in the group, and I humorously patterned every design on my perception of them as a team. I WAS BORED.

In the Philippines, people are very conservative and keen on close family-ties. Only a few people actually ‘live in’ with their partners. But for the rest of us, it’s the leave and cleave set-up – get married then start a home from there. But nonetheless, I pictured the future houses of my friends, including mine.

I am a fan of white touches that are complimented by shades of brown. The marrying combination of cream walls with antique furniture is just heaven with a twist of earthy mood tones. It is perfect for me and Mikee’s laid back tandem. We are not the screaming wild couple who celebrate the lifestyles of the young and the reckless. We just kind of go with the flow. We like things that are simple yet classy.

 

Kaye and Mac is the representation of a sweet, young and new couple. Their relationship bursts into vibrant colors which are still arranged in perfection. Kaye is the most feminine of the so-called ‘posse,’ and I really think her style will overrule any given area. I pictured their rooms to be in touches of purple, blue and pink, because that is who she is.

I had fun doing Kat and Raffy’s! They are the living testimonies of couples our age today – the upbeat, life enthusiasts who are always out to explore the world. They are fearless when it comes to taking risks and these interiors best describe who they are. I love retro modern art! next to the clean conservative designs, this is second one I love best! I envision walls covered with posters and random furnishings that do not match each other. That’s art, that’s life.

Aj and Gina’s are leaning towards the happy colorful family room, since they are the first to start one in the group. They are a toss between conventional and liberated. The compositions of interiors are not too striking, but it’s not too bland either. It’s a brilliant combination of the two with walls filled with family photos and areas catering to a kid at play.

Agave + Starbucks = Love

There is pleasure in eating alone at times.

I slept with a heavy heart last night because a. I was missing my mom and b. I was not getting the comfort I needed. Perhaps I was being a bratty controlling 24-year old and no matter how people tried to console me, my heart cannot be pacified. As my mom would put it, “your spoiled generation is getting harder to please nowadays.” I have standards and maybe it’s unleashing the worst in me. I woke up at 7 am with puffy eyes for soaking my pillow for 3 hours. I felt like I was in a soap opera, crying every second I pick up a thing that reminded me of my mother. It was CRAZY. But everything got a little better the next day.

I felt relieved when I knew I was going out for lunch, somehow I needed a breather and our house was just too small for me to get some air. I needed a huge space, a hearty meal and lots of people. Thankfully, I got an invitation to go to Eastwood for a simple chow time. For for food trips, Mikee and I usually call each other, it’s already automatic that we are hungry partners in crime.

Because I seldom go out, I make it a point to look my best. It is my way of flaunting my style and creativity. I love frilly fashion pieces which emphasize my femininity, like boho skirts, ribbons, spaghetti straps or tank tops, flats and accessories. I am an avid fan of gold jewelry! These classic accents never get outdated, you’ll never go wrong with them.

Clinique stay-matte sheer pressed powder, Clinique New Chestnut Blush, Clinique Sunkissed Bronzer, Maybelline Unstoppable Shiny Black Mascara, Maybelline Ebony Black Eyeliner and Lancome Ombre Subtile Eyeshadow

For a short stroll in the mall, I prefer to go light on cosmetics. I stay clear of smokey eyes and red lips. As much as possible, I stick to lipgloss just to avoid the cracked lips look. For this, I simply used the essentials – powder, blush-on, bronzer (to highlight my color), creme colored eyeshadow, eyeliner and mascara. You need not look so glamorous especially in broad daylight. Simplicity is still the best policy (made that up.)

I do not usually go for branded make-up but because my skin is super sensitive, I painfully have to remain loyal to Clinique products, that way I avoid skin acne. Hassle.

Mikee and I ate in Agave because we were craving for Mexican. I think we really did not make a good choice here, but in a way we still enjoyed our meal.

I ordered a Chicken Quesadilla with Guacamole on the side. I guess I was being biased and inclined towards a more favored restaurant which was Army Navy. But don’t worry, for those who are a fan of Agave, who work there or even own the establishment (just in case,) I still found the food pleasurable.

Mikee ordered the Steak Burrito. Hmm, for a meal amounting to 200 + bucks, I have no idea why the chips on the side are so limited. If you are going to put them, might as well add a few more? they make the plate look so empty. It just looks asymmetrical(?) well, what do I know about the balance of food when it comes to plating. I make the dumbest critiques at times haha! That’s just how I see it. But going back to the taste, it was satisfying.

I admire the interiors though! The dim lights set a more enticing mood for savoring the appetite. There is something about dark spaces; they give me a relaxing vibe for some reason. It gives me the idea to slow down and actually enjoy what I am eating.

The restaurant is like a modern day cowboy saloon. That’s how I see it.

Mikee choosing long and hard on what to eat. It took him time to decide only to pick the same dish at a different venue. It’s always the Burrito. Make that steak, medium well.

We ended the day with a tall Signature Iced Chocolate and a grande Caramel Frappuccino from Starbucks. Same spot for three years, same drink. HAHA.

Filipinos are natural law breakers! HAHA. I think we’re the only country who take the time to make public signs like, “please do not urinate in this area” or “please do not cross, someone has already died doing this.” Only in the Philippines.

Thank you for the sweet surprise, baby! I have always been a fan of Cinnamon since St. Cinnamon, Cinnabon and Cinzeo! I can gobble one in minutes!

I end the day with this: I AM ONE HAPPY GIRL despite my traumatic experiences. Thanks to people who go out of their way to make me feel special. I send out all my love to you.

20s!

Just because I may be showing signs of quarter life crisis, I browsed on some articles in the world wide web to console my sad spirit. Lucky me, I came across an entry that favored my sorry state! Oh, 20s might be the most challenging years in a person’s life, it is where you are itching to know what you want and end up doing otherwise.

19 Pieces Of Advice You’ll Need To Make It Through Your 20s | Thought Catalog

JUL. 29, 2012

By RYAN O’CONNELL 

1. Knowing what you don’t want can often be more valuable than knowing what you do want.

2. Despite what it looks like on someone’s Facebook or Twitter, no one has it figured out. We’re all just slapping things against a wall and seeing what sticks.

3. Beating yourself up about a mistake you made is only going to make you more inclined to do it again. Just accept that it happened and move on.

4. If someone is behaving strangely and there seems to be no explanation for it, look to alcohol and drugs!

5. Don’t burn bridges in your professional life. You never know when you might need them later on.(Douchey but real.)

6. Don’t sleep with someone who makes you feel like dirt the second you orgasm. You can’t change them. If you’re dating an asshole, you should dump them and then try to figure out why you’re attracted to dicks in the first place.

7. So you got drunk and puked and cried in public. That’s okay. Almost everyone has done that.

8. Anxiety can work in two ways: It can act as your biggest motivator or keep you frozen. Always strive for the former.

9. It’s important that you advocate for yourself in both your work and personal life. No one’s going to care more about you than yourself.

10. Always make sure to treat your parents with respect to make up for the years of hell you put them through as an adolescent. (Unless, of course, your parents are awful. In which case, screw them and make your own family.)

11. Jealousy is a useless emotion. Turn into something more productive. Let it push you to get ahead.

12. If you’re feeling depressed and you’re not sure why, there’s a 70% chance you just need to leave your apartment and be social.

13. Some of the people in this world are parasites just looking to suck you dry. Identify them and get them the hell out of your life.

14. Loving yourself — especially during such a rollercoaster of a decade — is going to be your biggest challenge, but in the end, it will be worth it. Prioritize the relationship you have with yourself over everything else.

15. The only good reason to go into debt is for traveling. Not Isabel Marant boots or expensive groceries.

16. Every relationship means something, even the ones that were so incredibly awful and painful. (Especially those.)

17. It doesn’t matter if you’re not currently where you want to be in your life. What matters is that you’re actively trying to achieve your goals rather than getting defeated.

18. Appreciate what it means to be young. As much as someone can anyway.

19. Love as much as you can. Don’t become scared of it. Don’t let a bad experience close you off for good.

BONUS: Those who give good advice are usually the most insane messes of them all. Just sayin’. 

 

At this point, I feel like hitting myself with a stone for the bad habits I possess or begin to manifest for that matter. They say that a situation can either make you better or bitter towards life, and though I would like to choose the first one, circumstances make me act the other way around. It’s depressing really, it is like a vicious cycle of break-up to make-up. You do something horrible, you fight about it with your lover, you end up hating yourself for doing the bad deed, you say sorry, he forgives you, you promise not to do it again only to see yourself failing the next day.

Such is life. I guess you’re not meant to make it everyday, but at least you live to see another opportunity to change things, right?

I like number 14 – Prioritize the relationship you have with yourself over everything else. I dread that I have been busy fidgeting over the relationships I have with my dad, my friends and my boyfriend, only to realize that I totally forgot to love myself.

 

To whoever is reading this, I hope you can ditch the drama (something I never did) and dream big. Life is too short to shed tears over petty things. 🙂

 

 

Go-To Girl

I spent my four years in college with a girl who looked like Zooey Deschanel. She seemed young to be in first year during that time, and even younger to say that she is a part of a TV network company earlier back, the moment we graduated from our school.

She came to visit me last night because she was bored, bummed out and bereaved – practically the same set of b’s I found myself in yesterday. She recently broke up with a lover and has been wanting to vent it out. As the hours progressed, we set aside depression and let loose our femininity, which resulted to this:

My house has been a go-to place of my friends, and I hope it stays that way.

Just Do It

In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.
– Robert Frost

Never has been Nike’s popular go-getter motto, “Just Do It,” been real to me since the day I lost my best friend and ultimate mentor, my mom. It’s been exactly two weeks of surviving in life camp and I feel as though I’ve been failing inadvertently. Every step I make sends me diving from heaven back to earth and my bones shattering in pieces as I crash and burn face first on the floor. Everyday is a challenge to get up and start over.

Robert Frost, the man behind the acclaimed, “The Road Less Taken,” speaks to me with discernment through the quote I posted prior to my expression of grief. Everyone I rubbed shoulders with for the past days had only one thing to say, “it takes time, but you’ll get there.” No, my experience cannot be sugarcoated by any Hollywood movie produced capturing the death of a loved one. I never saw my pain in widescreen cinematic measures; mine was different in odd heaps. Which is why the decision to move on drastically is a goal I have been pressing on to since my mom breathed her last.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
– Erma Bombeck

Today, God weaves a new chapter in my history. One where my dad and I struggle to live a new, day after day. It is a good thing that I have a close relationship with my dad, he is my support and strength when situations are too impossible to bear.

I am excited for what He has in store for me, even if what I am about to embark on will be painted with tears every now and then. Joyce Meyer says and I quote, “Do what you believe is right, follow God’s leadership to the best of your ability, then leave the outcome in His hands.”

This is something I choose to arise from, not wallow in depression as expected after losing someone. Such expectation is overrated and really not necessary for grieving period. It may happen but it should not last a lifetime! Joy must immediately take place after a momentary solitude.

I am grateful for friends who have been filling my stomach with ‘gastronomic combustion’ and my thoughts with happy memories. I could not stop laughing whenever I am with them and for a few I forget the loneliness I see myself in.

With them, adventures are always something I can look forward to, no matter how bleak the future may be. Thanks guys for giving me a million reasons to smile!

To my one and only love, thank you for being there for me every step of the way. You have made every struggle lighter and worth enduring. I love you with all my heart.

What Neverland Taught Me

This is a very random post while I am waiting for my pie crust to set. It is around 10:12 pm and my mind loiters into empty spaces in the nooks and crannies of my room. They say an idle mind is a dangerous mind, ergo, these moments call for some creativity while my body still fuels on stored energy. Oh, I am making a Chocolate Ganache Tart. I am craving for something that I will not eat anyway. Lucky members of the house! I turn whisks to the tune of Your Heart is an Empty Room by Death Cab for Cutie. I know, its not really a melody that will induce you to jump off your chair and crack eggs. It is a song that is best suited for driving, but I enjoy quiet once in a lifetime episodes like these which I would describe as CHILL in one word. Again, Webster has not concocted the perfect adjective that will best describe my day! Stress is too prosaic! I want a word derived from gasoline incessantly being poured to belligerent flames.

On to my entry. 

While I was browsing the tv last night, I came across a 2003 year-old movie and nostalgia fell into place. The film brought back so much memories, not because I take joy in watching it numerous times when I was kid, but because I would give anything to exchange my age for a day. I must have been imbecilic to want to be older then. 13 going on 30 may be fiction, but I am pretty sure it was based on real teenagers’ desires, and I one of them.

Forget them all. Come with me where you’ll never, never have to worry about grown up things again.

If only that were possible, I would give up my right to be behind the wheel, the leisure of earning money at the end of the month just to be able to take pleasure in being out at night during summer and playing street games with neighbors. God, I miss being a kid. Being of legal age may have its advantages but such entail an even bigger amount of responsibility. Sometimes I just want to wake up each morning without having to worry if I was able to liquidate all our project’s expenses on time. JUST FOR A DAY.

Peter Pan also reminded me so much of young love, for some reason. It is sad that the youth of today (teenagers) have fallen short of what “love” is, or at least what it should feel like, other than sex. Should they even have an experience with it, to begin with?

Suddenly, I knew what I had to do. Love isn’t about ridiculous little words. Love is about grand gestures. Love is about airplanes pulling banners over stadiums, proposals on jumbo-trons, giant words in sky writing. Love is about going that extra mile even if it hurts, letting it all hang out there. Love is about finding courage inside of you that you didn’t even know was there. – Little Manhattan

When I was skyrocketing into my teenage years, I failed to take notice of the small details which later on became key patches of a tapestry called  MY life. I at times miss the thrill of young romance where the pursuit of someone would always mean being at your best and wishing that you can get a glimpse of his (in my POV) face even for just a second, and if you do see him, you will do whatever it takes for you not to be noticed that you are actually stealing a glint at his odd smile. Weird, but those are the sub-stories that make adolescence less painful.

I recall Jeremy Sumpter’s sudden jolt of excitement which sent him soaring into the heavens after getting a hidden kiss from Wendy. I cannot find any other image that best describes that feeling than what actually transpired in Peter Pan’s love episode. It may seem silly after a few years have gone by, but somehow you’d miss those childish feelings.

But then, even at the age of 24, I know all is not completely lost. That even at this stage, I can still allow myself to linger in those moments wherein I felt free, in love and unimaginably light- even when I am lost in the garbage of my desk called requirements. Bottom line is, somehow I temporarily set free of the child in me, when I should not have in the first place.

All children grow up, except one…

is not entirely true. We may grow up physically, but we must not allow our hearts to age. It is what keeps our love for life burning.

Should’ve Kissed you

Few days ago, I was searching for the latest R & B songs in 2012 when i happen to click and watched this vid. It’s Olivia “Chachi” Gonzales‘ choreography of SHOULD’VE KISSED YOU by Chris Brown. Chachi is a member of iAMme ( an American hip hop dance crew who were crowned Champion in America’s Best Dance Crew Season 6). I was really amazed of how she moves, she is very inspiring. It won’t hurt to try, right? since I really miss dancing. I am not so good at it actually, I just know how to. And now this song has been glued on my mind everyday, seriously. I am encouraging many more viewers eventhough this vid has always been a trend in Youtube. 🙂

TFER ♥

Boy Time

Mikee’s home!

I have not been this excited since the day I got my first salary (which was not much to begin with.) I have been missing him for ages! I guess when you long to be with someone, two months can be like years in counting (I am exaggerating, again.)

It was 10:30 pm on Wednesday when I picked him up at the airport. I am so sorry I cannot justify this paragraph with photos. He looked haggard and I did not want to ruin his image by posting it online. AND, I did not look my best either.